


Beautiful Like Me

by bornforwar_archivist



Category: Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-31
Updated: 2006-12-31
Packaged: 2018-12-15 01:42:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11795811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bornforwar_archivist/pseuds/bornforwar_archivist
Summary: By Nancy LorenzAres is plunged into a pit of self loathing as the newest couple of Olympus are hitched before Zues. His resentment of Xena is ignited once he realises their seperate paths and her seemingly easy ride on the road of Redemption. Whilst this is happening, Gabrielle and Joxer are left alone with eachother to look after Argo.





	Beautiful Like Me

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Delenn, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Born For War](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Born_For_War), which closed in 2015. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in March 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Born For War collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bornforwar).
> 
> A Lyric Challenge Story by Nancy Lorenz.  
> Synopsis: Ares is plunged into a pit of self loathing as the newest couple of Olympus are hitched before Zues. His resentment of Xena is ignited once he realises their seperate paths and her seemingly easy ride on the road of Redemption. Whilst this is happening, Gabrielle and Joxer are left alone with eachother to look after Argo.
> 
> Rating: PG-13.
> 
> Disclaimers: Xena Warrior Princess and all other characters that appear on the tv show are copyrighted to MCA Universal and Rennaisance Pictures. No money is made from this little piece of fan fiction.
> 
> Note: This is a 'Lyric Story'. It was done in the fourth round of the Lyrics Game. Go HERE to read other peoples lyric stories. 
> 
>  
> 
> Beautiful   
> by Joydrop
> 
> If I was beautiful like you, oh the things I would do   
>  Those not so blessed would be crying out murder   
>  And I'd just laugh, and get away with it too   
>  Like you do
> 
> If I was beautiful like you, I would never be at fault   
>  I would walk in the rain beneath the raindrops   
>  And bring traffic to a halt
> 
> Bridge:   
>  Well, that will never be   
>  That will never, never be   
>  'Cause I'm not beautiful like you
> 
> Chorus:   
>  I'm beautiful like me   
>  I'm beautiful like me
> 
> If I was beautiful like you, I'd be quick to assume   
>  They'd do anything to please me, why not?   
>  I see the reaction when you walk into the room
> 
> Bridge
> 
> Chorus
> 
> Beautiful   
>  Beautiful like me   
>  Like me   
>  Like me
> 
> If I was beautiful like you, I'd have so many friends   
>  Always fighting for my time to be next in line   
>  So if I wasn't, I wouldn't have to make amends
> 
> Bridge
> 
> Chorus 2X

I see them gather about the podium, the blushing bride and winged groom grinning like a couple of dull idiots.  I sit back, and just watch.  My subjugates are not here to flank me, again I'm alone.  I am blessed with a few hard glances from my heavenly siblings.  Athena's gazes are the harshest, her utter distaste for me obvious in her very composure.  I wonder if she knows what it is to be me?

Zues looked to the happy couple, and I felt like being sick.

"And Cupid, God of Love, son of the great Aphrodite, do you claim Psyche as your wife, your chosen, the one to bear your children and soothe your brow in times of dire?"

Cupid beamed at Psyche, and nodded, "Oh I do."

I rolled my eyes.

"Psyche - mortal child blessed to be a part of the heavens - do you accept Cupid's claim to you, and do you claim him also as your husband, sire to your future children, lover to you, and the one you shall care for always?"

"I do!" the girl exclaimed.

"Then by your vows, you are now joined forever and always as man and wife."

A roar burst out among the Olympians, my inane sister blubbering like an old fish wife.  She embraced her son, and her new daughter, and with the splashing about of wine by Dionysus, the party began.   And I was to go back to my dark domain, shunned by Olympus yet again.  Was.  Of course the Fates wouldn't make my life that easy would they?

"Hey Ar you old dog!" came that curled, youthful and somewhat dull voice, "Where you splitting to?"

I turned with a sigh at Aphrodite.  "Home.  I don't think there's much more I need to see here..."

"See, no!" Aphrodite said, wrapping an arm around mine and yanking me towards the merriment, "Do - yes - EVERYTHING!"

I sighed, "You know what it's like when I mix with the family!"

"Oh bah!" she waved a hand, "If anyone says anything I'll tell 'em to shut up!  We stuck together during that time on earth - we'll stick together now!  Kay?"

I met her earnest gaze and pursed my lips, "Yeah okay."

"Come on - sit next to me and get a nymph on your lap!  We might have an orgy later!"

"An orgy with the folks," I said dryly, "Oh yay."

 

* * *

Xena pouted as she paced about.  She tapped the side of her head in thought, her lips tight, hissing coming from her lips.  Suddenly, she glared at her friends who were perched on a log, watching her pace like a maniac.  She sighed, stepping forward.

"Are you sure you didn't see it?"

Gabrielle sighed, rolling her eyes, "No Xena, I didn't."

Her eyes flashed to Joxer, who lifted his hands and shook them,  "Look I didn't touch it!!"

Xena growled, "It was just sitting there in my scabbard!   I can't lose it!  I've had it for years!!"

Gabrielle frowned, seeing the loss in her friend's eyes.  "You think someone could have hung from a tree and taken it?"

Xena narrowed her eyes, "I would have felt it..."

"Oh yeah," she nodded, "I guess so."

Joxer snapped his fingers, "Maybe a God took it!"

Xena looked at him flatly.  "What for?"

"I dunno - Gods are always doing stupid things like that - maybe for some magic?"

The warrioress sighed, loss wracking her.  The sword signified her redemption, it was her friend in her return to good.  And now it was gone.  She felt like sobbing - she never would in front of Gabrielle and Joxer.  It wouldn't do to look weak in front of them.  Sighing, she grabbed Joxer's sword from his scabbard.

"Hey!"

Xena eyed him, "I need some sort of defence on the road..."

Gabrielle stood. "What - Xena what are you doing?"

"I'm going to get my sword back," Xena said, "Even if I have to comb that road back and forth for two days!  If that doesn't work, I'll put the pinch on every petty theif and peddler till I find it!"

Glaring at them, she took her pointing finger back, and dove into the undergrowth of the forest.

"But XENA!" Gabrielle cried, "WHAT ABOUT ARGO?"

"TAKE CARE OF HER!" the voice cried back.  And darkness engulfed the warrior.

She swung and wove through the darkness, finging the road they arrived on quickly.  Looking up to the sky, she saw it was dappled with clouds that hung with the Gods, high in the air.  They were thin and small, the stars creeping through their gauzy haze like jewels.  Some were red, some where white.  Most twinkled a proud blue, changing colour on a whim but always returning to the same electric hue.  Sighing, Xena gazed down the road, the round plate of the mood hidden behind the towering trees of the remote forest.  The trodden down road soaked in light, some leaves reflecting it back.  From what she could see, no length of worn but tenderly cared for metal lay on the ground.  She felt yet another sigh leave her as she started down the road in a brisk run.

 

* * *

I took a swig of wine.  To my left, Aphrodite made out with a young lithe prodigy of Apollo - a nymph from the western part of Minoa.  Her moans and giggles filled my ears.  To my right, Athene was sprawled at her chair, a flat expression on her face that spoke volumes.  She was having as much fun as I was.  She stank like a rotting vinyard though, the many glasses of wine and olives she'd consumed on her breath.  She took another swig of wine, glaring at me with contempt.

"So, Ares," she said, her voice drawled out to a slow crawl, "You kill any innocent people lately?"

"No," I said with a thin smirk, "I have minions to do that sort of thing for me."

"Oh of course!" Athena nodded, "Your kind of scum doesn't bother to look into the face of their victims..."

I sighed, knowing this was coming.  I was sick of this.  She was a Goddess of War too - honourable war.  What was honourable war - how in Tartarus was it any different to what I did?  A killing was a killing.  Though I curbed that thought as I was starting to sound like Xena's little friend Gabrielle.  I groaned.  I wonder what they were up to.  Before I could look...

"Hey Ar - I am talking to you!"

I looked to Athena, "Listen, I know what you're like when you're drunk.  I'm not up for a debate tonight..."

"Oh of course not!" Athena laughed, "That would mean using your brains!!"

Cupid looked up from the head of the table, hearing the dissent, and frowned.

"Ares - what are you doing?"

I rose a brow, "Excuse me?"

"He's being a pig again," Athena said, pointing at me, a little drunkenly too,  "He's bragging about killing people without looking into their faces!"

My jaw dropped, and I put my hands up in innocense, "You asked!!"

Cupid gritted his teeth, "I want this event to be a peaceful one!!  Whenever we have a party here on Olympus you always throw a spanner in the works with your behaviour!!"

I rolled my eyes, patience ending.  I stood, glaring at Cupid with an acid death that would have made Hades shudder.

"I'm sick of being this family's punching gourde!!  I do my job - like the rest of you!!"

"And boy do you do it well!" Athena snickered into her amphora of wine.  Apollo chuckled.

Cupid seethed however, "It's not like you try to keep a balance, do you?  You just throw a war in where there isn't one..."

I rolled my eyes, sighing, "I do what I have to - if the human's want to fight - that's their decision.  I'm just there to provide the gusto and the spirit!  I mean, come on!  Someone's gotta egg them on!"

Athena spluttered, "That's what I do!  *You* spread evil, you make people argue!  You even ruin wedding parties!"

I grit my teeth and glared at my audience of roaring and cheering family, "Yeah!  I'm a bad egg!  All my lot are!  Don't you idiots realise you'd be screwed without me?!"

Cupid pursed his lips, "Somehow, I don't think so..."

I didn't let him say anything more.  We'd had this argument before.  Once I even took a leave of absense and abstained from my duties just to show them what for.  Of course they begged for me to return.  This was the same old game that would always be played.   Good against evil.  Right against wrong.  What the halfwits didn't realise that in our bantering we made life what it was - a great wash of grey where no one was good, and no one was bad.  They just were. Glancing to my ever-protective sister Aphrodite, who was still busy with the nymph and oblivious to everything around her, I threw the veil of the ether over me, transporting away to my dark realm.   
 

The echoing drops of dew fell from the ceiling, creating a rhythm that seemed to count the aeons that I'd been through this ritual.  Family gets together for a feast, a marriage, a birthday, an anniversary, and I would be the target of their bitching and moaning.

"Oh look what Ares did to the King of Mycenae!"   
"Oh that coward Ares couldn't even kick Xena's ass!"   
"Remember when that idiot son of mine got stuck in the vase at Troy?"

I growled, the humiliation eating at me.  Why did it bother me so much?  I knew I shouldn't let it, I should have been used to it.  I hated them, they hated me.  But - I needed them.  And they needed me.  It was a Tartarus made real.

Perhaps a few things weren't so bad.  Sometimes Aphrodite acted like she almost cared, and it was a spot of goodness in my life I could tolerate.  The other spot - I frowned.

Striding to a pool of water in the cave-like dwelling in my realm, I gazed into it.  Before me congealed the lone figure of a woman in the soft moonlight.  Her raven hair flowed about her strong features like a river kissing the sandy banks of it's course.  As she glanced up to the sky - perhaps for direction - her eyes glinted that crystaline blue that I could never forget and never have.  Those pools were to the brim with loss.  My poor protégé... tears ran down her features.  It was rare to see her cry.  It wasn't an open sobbing.  It looked to be a rogue tear she hadn't meant to let fall.  My heart pounded in my chest.  How many times had I looked in on her like this?  Too many.  Too many for an old fool like me.  I felt the remnants of smile at my lips, and perhaps, to complete a totally disasterous night, I figured I could help her find what she was looking for.

 

* * *

Joxer lay on his pelt next to the fire, counting the fine scars on his arm in the firelight as Gabrielle skinned a carrot for the   
dinner she was preparing.  She only had some roots and carrot, and Xena had caught a couple of fish with her before she noticed her sword missing.  Boiled fruit and fish.  Well, she had had more interesting meals, but campers couldn't be choosers.   She looked at Joxer by the faint light, frowning.

"What are you doing Joxer?"

"Remembering," he said, as if not realising who as asking him.  After he jerked a moment, he glanced to her and stuttered, "Ah - counting um - er-  scars..."

"Oh," Gabrielle frowned a little, "Okay..."

"I wonder how Xena's going," he muttered to no one in particular.

"Wandering up a road in a murderous state," Gabrielle said darkly, "I wish she would have stayed till sun up."

"Someone might have run off with it by then," Joxer said, "You heard her."

The bard nodded vaguely.  "I guess so."

Silence passed a moment.  Joxer gazed at the scars.  Most of them were self inflicted.  One recent bruise on his arm was not done by him though.  For some strange reason he almost treasured it as he did it's source.  Of course, he didn't relish annoying Gabrielle.  In fact it hurt him to think he did it so easily.  He never tried.  The proof seemed to leer up at him with purplish pride on his creamy forearm, and he ran his thumb over it forlornly.  Why did she have to pinch so hard?   The bruise complained at the pressure of the running thumb with a twinge of dull ache.  He sighed.  It felt very much like his heart.  Joxer glanced up to the blonde woman with him, her long strawberry locks glinting in the orange light.

"Hey - Gabby?"

"Gabrielle," she corrected, "What is it Joxer?"

"Can I read one of your scrolls?"

She looked up from the carrot and rose a brow with a dark glare, "What - why?"

Joxer shrugged, "Ww- well I just - I feel like reading some of your stuff - it's good, I like reading it."

The woman sighed, and shrugging, she turned and grabbed her satchel, passing it to Joxer with a deft toss.

"Thanks!" he grinned.  Gabrielle smiled softly, shrugging once more before continuing with her chopping.

 

* * *

I took my time watching her stride down the road with that twist of agony in her eyes.  Not that I enjoyed it, rather that she knew I was there, as she always knew, and would get aggitated by my presence.  Better getting some reaction out of her than none at all.  I sighed - she was truly beautiful.  Her devotion to good - a bane to me yes, but somehow it drew me to her more vigourously that I ever had been before.  I frowned as she span about, glaring at the air behind her - me.

"Will you STOP THAT?!" she hissed.

Chuckling I left invisibility behind me as I stepped forward, a long amused sigh heralding my coherence of form.  The twist of agony turned to a fire of contempt.  It excited me wonderfully, knowing I could herald such a change in her.  Such a passion - even if it meant she wanted to shove a Hind's Blood dagger through my chest.

"What a perfect end to the day," she sighed, "Come to make it worse?"

I shook my head, "Better in fact."

"Why would you want to do that?" Xena said, propping a hand on her hip.

"Well, it's just such a nice and selfless act - it'll piss a lot of people off - including you."

"How?"

I grinned, stepping forward and speaking to her in that lusty tone that I knew drove her mad, "Tell me Xena, if I were suddenly good to you - helped you - it'd make hating me with all your heart that *tiny* bit harder wouldn't it?"

She narrowed her eyes, "Don't flatter yourself!"

At that I disappeared.  I sped around the area with a speed uncountable.  It was there by a fire, a petty theif curled around it, mumbling in his sleep about bounties.  I took it soundlessly, and in an instant I was back in front of a running Xena.  She jumped back, kicking me hard in the stomach.  I fell backwards from sheer surprise - I really wasn't expecting it.  Her sword clanged to the ground, and with a gasp she was silent.

Rubbing my behind as I got up, I smiled as she clutched the sword like a lifeline.

"My sword," she whispered, tears welling in her eyes, but being wiped by her before they had a chance to fall.  She wouldn't be weak - no not in front of me.  She narrowed her eyes again.  "Okay so what do I owe you?  Some debt, some little errand? Cause you're not going to get it!"

"Well, of course not," I said, folding my arms, "That'd be because I don't want anything from you."

Xena cocked her head, sliding her sword back into it's hilt.  "You been smacked about by a happy-fairy or something?"

"Well, I wouldn't call her a happy-fairy," I said, "More like the Goddess of Honourable War."

"Athena laid into you huh?"  Xena leered, "Poor baby!"

Aaah, that contempt again.  I sighed as she turned back towards wherst she came, and matched her step.  I pulled her arm.

"Slow down," I said.

"Why?"

I shrugged, "Because I want to walk you back to camp."

Xena twitched as all comprehending failed.  She examined my eyes, trying to figure what was going on in my head. If she only knew.

 

* * *

Joxer read the words again.  He was sure this had to be a mistake... she didn't *really* think that did she?  He had read the unflattering words of her other scrolls, but these newer ones...  He blinked back some painful tears that threatened his quiet composure.

_And so Joxer, the bumbler and fool, travelled south, as we did north.  Relieved was the Warrior Princess, as was I.   Of late I had been growing tired of him.  I doubt one has ever met such a senseless man as he.  Every step is a stumble, every word is a stutter.  His heart is good, but there are times where I get somewhat tired of him._

He glanced up as she scribbled in a new scroll, reclining against the log, the pelt rolled out to comfort her.

"Um - when did you write this scroll?" he asked, holding it up.

She narrowed her eyes, and touched the end of the scroll.  It's end was a different gold to the others, and she recognised where she bought it, "Is that the one about the road trip with Xena to Macedonia?"

Joxer nodded fractionally.

"Oh that was a couple of months back."

She returned to her writing, the quill scribbling furiously.  Not a reaction.  Didn't she know what was in this scroll?  Didn't she realise how it hurt him?  It seemed whenever she brought him pain, she skipped along, getting away with it.  And she was so beautiful, so very beautiful.  With a salt tear he knew - she could get away with it.  But not tonight.  He cleared his throat.  The pain in him welled to a bitterness.

"So - how many of my steps are stumbles Gabrielle?"

She glanced up from the scroll again.  "Oh - what?"

"My steps, Gabrielle," he said, repeating himself, "How many of them are stumbles?"

Gabrielle rolled her eyes, "I was describing you," she said, "It's all a part of being a writer!"

He nodded, "I guess as is detailing how clumsy and foolish I am..."  His words were mumbles, shaking with an anger he must have been hiding for an age.   He glanced to his arm, the bruise still shining purple up at him.  He lifted his arm, putting it forward in the firelight.

"Is that a part of being a writer too?"

Gabrielle sighed, "Joxer, you deserved it!" she said, pushing his already bruised upper arm for emphasis.

"Did I?" he asked, "What did I do?"

"You were - were - " She stopped, blushing a crimson, "Oh you were just being you!!  The food's almost ready!"

"The food can wait!" Joxer said, a strength in his voice that shook him.   Gabrielle glanced up at him.

"Joxer, calm down," she said with fear.

"I am calm," he said, leaning back to his place, "And I _am_ a fool."

She opened her mouth, but he lifted a hand to silence her.

"No - don't say anything," he said, "I'll heal, like I always do."

"Joxer," she said softly, kneeling closer to him, "I'm sorry..."

"You're not," he said, "You get sick of me - you said in your scroll.  Well I'm the sorry one Gabrielle.  I'm sorry I ever started hanging out with you guys, I'm sorry I can't be the perfect companion like Perdicas or Prince Sarpedon or Orion!  And I'm real sorry I ever fell in love with you!"

His tongue stumbled over the silence that followed, his alarmed glare meeting hers.

"What did you say?"

He shook his head suddenly, gathering up his pelt around him, stammering madly, "Nothing, I - I'm gonna move on, perhaps find Xena."

He rose to his feet but in the tangle of blanket and pelt, he stepped backwards to free himself, the log behind him colliding with his feet and with a whoosh of air he disappeared behind it with a clank and a thud.  Gabrielle frowned.

"Are you all right?"

"Yeah, yeah," he said gingerly, sitting up, his legs draped over the log, "Like you care anyway..."

"I do care, Joxer," she said softly.

He narrowed his eyes at her, "Yeah sure."

Taking the scroll, she unrolled it further.  She pointed to the end of it.

"See look..."

He took the scroll, crawling over the log and settling on the pelt. He looked to the end of it, "Uh - it's - "

"Unfinished," she said, "The other part is here..."

She pulled out another scroll from her leather satchell, untying it and letting it drop open in his lap.    He began to read...

"But for all these faults that plague him, I can honestly say that I could not live a life without his abiding - op - optimism -"  He stopped, choking on the words, a warm regret welling within him, "and friendship."

"Keep going," she said softly.

Joxer looked to her green eyes, so full of support.  He swallowed, and continued.

"Truly, he is beautiful.  Not like Aphrodite is beautiful, or Ares, or Narcissus or even myself and Xena.  No, he has a special beauty.  It lies within like the heart of a sacret egg of jewels* only the lucky possess.  If you dig deep enough, you find this heart of jewels, shining with a fervour few can claim to have."

He licked his lips, lying the scroll closed in his lap, "Oh Gabby, I'm sorry..."  He felt a warm hotness spill down his face, "You - this is so beautiful.  I don't think anyone has ever written anything so..."

"It's okay," she said, stroking a lock of his hair back and laying her arm over his shoulders, "I would have been upset too.  It was an honest reaction...  And I'm sorry to have upset you.   I didn't word it right," she said, holding up the other scroll, "I mean - I don't get tired of you.  I get annoyed with you.  I get annoyed with Xena too, sometimes.  I'll fix that wording..."

Grabbing her quill, she touched her tongue with it, then whilst tongue pressed on bottom lip, she scribbled over the symbols of 'get somewhat tired of' and wrote 'feel he annoys me'.  She frowned, tongue still out.  She didn't think it'd fit.  It looked messy, and it irritated her, but the ammendment made it worth while.  She heard a giggle, and looking to Joxer her brows knitted in questioning.

"There's a patch of ink on your tongue," he grinned.

"Oh!" she giggled, wiping her tongue on the back of her hand, "Nemnemnem - yech!!  That makes Xena laugh too when I do that.  Nmyeaaah!"

Joxer smiled, his heart melting at her cleaning her tongue.  He didn't know how he could ever have been angry with her.  All he felt now was that ever burgeoning love he had felt dashed to the winds not moments ago.  Love?  Oh gods - she _knew!!_

"Well - I'll sleep in the other clearing tonight - if you like..."

"What on Gaia's green earth for?" she said, brows knitted, a soft smile on her lips.

"Well - I said I loved you..."

She met his confused gaze.  Pursing her lips with some discomfort, she shrugged.

"Yeah I know, cause we're friends right?"

Joxer blushed, shaking his head and picking at the woolen blanket draped over his legs, "I ah - I - duh d-didn't mean it like that..."

He looked up, and saw her jade eyes gazing at him.  Tears looked to be brimming there.

"I know," she breathed roughly.

"And you don't love me back, I - " He swallowed, his heart ready to crash to a thousand peices, "I understand..."

"No, no," she shook her head, "That's not it at all.  Joxer, I don't know how I feel about you."

He glanced up, "You - you don't know?"

She shrugged, "I really care about you in so many ways.  I don't know if it's romantic or not - I've been through so much I don't even know if I can think a straight thought sometimes,"  She swallowed, stroking his cheek carefully, "I'd hate myself if I hurt you because of my own problems..."

He placed his hand over hers, pulling her hand down and holding it in his hands.

"It sounds like you know how you feel to me," he said, "Don't you?"

 

* * *

She'd ignored me for a few minutes, but my inncessant whistling was sure to have gotten on her nerves enough to make her stop or tell me to shut up.    She kept on walking though.  With those nerves she made the most glorious warlord.  I smiled.  Those were the days.

"So," I started, "Aren't you even going to say thank you?"

"Thank you," she said darkly.  And shut up.  I sighed.

"You're not wondering why I'm bothering you?"

"Maybe you're trying to irritate me into submission," she said, glaring at me.  I pouted my lips askew.

"You look crueler than Athena when you look at me like that...."

"Athena's a wise woman, I'm not surprised."

"Athena is a woman set in her prejudices," I said, "Once she has made judgement she often sticks to it.  Big sister syndrome - you know - the 'I'm always right' mentality."

"You're trying to tell me the Goddess of Wisdom has such an arrogant trait?" Xena said, voice dripping with doubt.

"We all have our vices," I said, "Even the Goddess of Wisdom."

"I guess so..."

I looked to her in the moonlight.  Her features were hard with a hatred I knew well.

"Alternatively, we also have our more positive attributes."

Xena scoffed.

"I'm serious," I said.

She narrowed her eyes, "Yeah well pardon me for not trusting a vicious bastard like you!"

I shrugged, "It's up to you."

She puffed a sigh, "You said it!"

"Would you like to know what I did tonight?"

"No!"

"I was at a family celebration," I continued nonetheless.  Her face grew more haggard as I continued, "Psyche and Cupid's union - you call them wedding, though it was more than a wedding.  It was a fusion of souls."

"I said I didn't want to hear about it."

I nodded.  We trudged down the road further, the silence overwhelming.

"I was the centre of the arguments again it seemed..."

Xena rolled her eyes, "How awful for you."

"It was," I said, "What was worse was that Athena started it."

"Yeah right," she growled, "Why would Athena do something like that?"

"She was drunk," I said, "She does stuff like that when she's sloshed silly."

She glanced at me darkly, "Oh really."

I nodded.

Then there was a sparkle in her eye.  A sparkle of curiosity perhaps.  Maybe she just forgot herself in the stunningly beautiful setting of night, a lonely road, and a forest.

"What did she say?"

I smiled inwardly, and said nothing.

"I said - what did she say?"

"Hmm?"  I suddenly acted like I heard her, "Oh it was nothing really."

"Stop baiting me and answer the God-damned question!"

I sighed, "She asked me if I killed any innocent people lately."

"And what did you say?"

"No of course."

She glared at me.

"I didn't *personally* kill anyone," I said, "I made sure a couple of wars started that needed to be started but that's not the same as killing some one."

"Could have fooled me," Xena scowled.

"Well, either way, she pretty much had the same reaction as you to my reply.  Cupid heard us disagreeing, and the sot went so far as to accuse me of bragging about my exploits.  Wouldn't be so bad but it makes me sound like a terrible liar.  I've been resting up the past while, reserving myself for a few things coming up."

"What sort of things?" she hissed.  I smiled secretively.

"Before I knew what was happening," I said, "I had half my family down my throat again.  I stormed out."

"I guess you expect me to feel sorry for you," she said in a harsh tone that chilled me, "Well I don't."

"Funny," I said, slowing down and turning to her.  She stopped next to me, "You demand a lot of compassion from people yourself.  You recieve it in abundance.  I wonder what makes you so different from me."

"I do NOT!"

"Back the horsey up a minute," I said, lifting a finger, "You waltz into a town.  People see you - they see Xena. Last they knew of you were destroying nations.  Yet you expect them to be civil to you and not throw you in the clink..."

"I don't expect anything," Xena said, "I just receive."

"Mmm," I nodded, "It's funny.  You kill and maim for a while till you have the fear of nations at your voice, and the world seems to forgive you.  Me - I do the job I was born to do - propagate war - and it's murder."

She narrowed her eyes at me, "What you do, and what I did is different!!"

"Oh I agree," I nodded, sniffing and rubbing the bottom of my nose a moment, "You went power-hungry and tried to destroy the world for the death of your brother.  I was - doing my duty as the God of War."

A pair of hands thrust me into a tree as those blue eyes raged at me, "YOU SHUT UP!"

I smiled smoothly.

"You're pure evil, you know that?"

I just gazed into her eyes.

"I don't know how you can even compare the BIGGEST mistake of my life to something you take pleasure in for the sheer cruelty of!"

I pouted, "Taking a life - it's the same thing.  We've both done it.  You got away with it, I didn't."

She snorted, pushing me into the tree once more before stalking onwards.

"I've tried to make up for it," she said. "You just keep on with your terror..."

I sighed, catching up with her.  "Oh, I'd love to do the good guy thing," I said, "But I have a job to do..."

"So you keep saying..."

"It seems the rest of the world is too willing to kick me in the head for doing the job - " I laughed with a bitterness I'd kept locked away for a very long time indeed, practically shouting it into the heavens with my heart, "That the rest of you don't have the guts to do!"

She stopped walking, examining me carefully with those eyes of hers.

"Honestly Xena - we've been through this - " I stepped forward till my lips were a breath away from hers, "No one else can do the duty I was born to do.  And I'm hated for the one thing I was created for.  It wasn't my personal choice - your anger, your hatred, your voilence.  It *was* your choice..."

"Shut up," she growled, her nose accidentally touching mine.

"You're beautiful," I whispered.  Woah.  Wasn't sure where that came from.  She snarled with disgust and I'm sure my pants shrunk.

"You're a dog," she said, then shook her head, "No you're worse than a dog - I don't even know why I'm here talking to you!"

"You know I'm right," I said with a sneer.  I stepped about, then faced her again, standing wonderfully close.  "You know, all Gods exist because we were needed.  We were made to have purpose - by mortals..."

"Yeah, so?"

I shrugged, "I guess I wouldn't be here if I wasn't needed.  Everyone in the cosmos acts like all the bad stuff that happens is my fault."

"It isn't?" she shot dryly.

I merely shook my head, "No, no it isn't.  It's my duty from birth.  Just as yours is to live, breath and procreate."

"You'd like me to believe that wouldn't you?" Xena spat.  She turned away from me and I joined her in the trek towards the camp.

To be honest I didn't care if she believed me or not.  The fact was I said my piece to her, and of all the people in the world, it seemed Xena was the only person I wanted to have understand it more than anything else.  I watched her sculptural profile in the blue hue of moonlight.  Aaah, with all truth I doubt even Pygmalion could carve a beauty like Xena's.  She took my breath away with her strength.  I sighed.

"What is it?" she asked sharply.

"I was just thinking," I said, "That time on the island, when we were going after Sisyphis..."

"What about it?"

Looking up into the sky, I felt a true sadness take me.

"It's probably the only time in my life I felt anyone really cared about my safety.  I mean -"

Xena glared at me.

"For the right reasons," I continued. "My mother is totally selfish in her concern for me.  For a moment... I saw it in your eyes..."

She snorted, "I wasn't myself then quite honestly."

"Don't deny it," I said, "I saw your care.  You're afraid of me.  Why?"

"You know why," she said huskily, "I don't want to be that person I was ever again.  The person I was with you."

I cocked my head, "I've been trying to get you to return to me for years and you haven't.  Why should that change now?"

"It only takes carelessness..."

"Somehow I think," I smiled, "I would miss the new you."

She blinked, seeming truly surprised.  All of a sudden, she glanced around herself.  "I - I'm - "

"Back at your camp," I said, "I know."

She frowned, as if her mind broiled about a thousand things.  She looked ready to dive into the bushes and go back to her friends.  I wished she'd at least say goodbye.  She met my gaze a moment longer, judging my composure, the way I looked at her.  Her hair flowed like I saw it in the pool of water in my realm.  Reaching forward, I let my fingers run through it softly.  Her hand snatched mine with a vice-grip.  It faltered a moment, gripping my warmth with what for a moment seemed like a need.  She threw my hand off and I let go, letting her spin about.  With one last glance she leapt into the undergrowth with as little as a tiny rustle.

 

* * *

Gabrielle met the eyes of Joxer as the question left his lips.  He held her hands, trying crazy not to sweat or tremble.  He knew that maybe, he would be heartbroken tonight.  All the faith, the hope and the love he'd poured into his life with Xena and Gabrielle may have crashed down around him.

"Joxer," she breathed softly, meeting his eyes, "I feel comfortable around you.  You make me laugh. You have a love of life I thought I could never get back.  You sit at children's puppet shows without the tiniest hint of embarrassment.  I don't know if this is love...  I don't know what love is anymore.  I felt it once...  I thought I'd never feel it again."

Joxer nodded tentatively.   He felt the warmth of a hand at his face.

"Oh Joxer," she said, "I need time.  I really do.  But by the Gods, I care for you so much!"

She leant forward suddenly, taking him into her arms, clutching him close to her body.  Joxer felt the lump in his throat grow to a happy one, a tentative fear inside of him.  He never thought he meant that much to her...

"You - you care for me?"

She nodded, leaning back, holding his face. "And I think, maybe, one day when I'm ready, I could love you.  In a way other than friendship.  I want you to know Joxer - no one else is as close to me as you and Xena are.  I want you to be in my life - always..."

Joxer cracked a smile, "I'll do my best," he said, gripping her hands gently.  Leaning forward, the bard planted a tender kiss on the tip of his nose.  She leant back, and with a soft smile, she kissed his lips, very gently, once.

"What was that for?" he breathed, concerning the last kiss.

"Mmm, a deposit," she grinned, "I want that little investment to grow."

Joxer blushed bright red, "Oh okay..."

"You are beautiful," Gabrielle said, wrapping an arm around Joxer and sitting next to him in front of the fire, "You're beautiful like you..."

Disclaimer:  Joxer's arm was not badly bruised in the making of this short story.  However he did bruise his bottom rather significantly.  This is not the fault of the author.  I can't help it if Joxer's a clumsy oaf! ^_^ 


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